I have almost lived in the South of France (two year mark is the end of January 2011) for two years. I am just now keeping my proverbial head above water! It has been a major life change moving to another country where I do not speak the language. There have been many long, painful and lonely hours and days here in Provence, as I have worked to get my feet under me. It is still not like home (San Francisco, CA) but I have gained some comfort, friends, confidence and routine that help make life come daily rhythm.
I have just recently gotten a few hours during the week days to myself. My youngest child, Gracie, started what is the equivalent of preschool here in France. Granted, it is only 3 hours, four times a week, but it has been amazing to have the time. Time to do nothing, time to shop alone, time to take a walk, have a coffee or read a book. Unfortunately with the school experience, she has been sick more than at school. I am hoping her immune system gathers strength and she well more than sick!
It is an overwhelming experience to live where you do not speak the language! Far too often, I have felt like a child, as I struggle to communicate my needs out in the world and to function as an adult. It is almost like your true self is diminished when you are unable to express thoughts, ideas and wants/dislikes. I am a very outspoken, straightforward and confident woman and the move to France has made those qualities be unrecognized because of a language barrier, is soul crushing.
Is my French better? Well not much better from arriving in January 2009. I just recently started French class, as Gracie started school. Mainly my confidence of not caring if I look like a fool when I go out has become stronger. Getting comfortable with the location has helped. I still have panic attacks of getting lost and not being able to ask for directions, or better yet, hacking it out with my French/English dictionary but not being able to understand the response.
We are living in a place where English is not widely spoken. Tough, right. Well, I now have an ocean full of empathy for immigrants struggling in the US who do not speak English. Everything in life becomes ten times more difficult than normal. People get frustrated that you can't understand what is being said. People get frustrated that they have to find some to speak with you, because you don't understand (if there is even someone to do that on shift) and basic things turn into a walking nightmare.
Being away from family and friends also more it lonely and difficult. Most of the people I know here lived in Europe to begin with. Their home county is no more than a two hour flight. For our family it is close to 22 hours with two flights and layovers. This does not even deal with the time change of nine hours for West Coast time and the extraordinary cost. Seriously, at some points in the years, a flight to the US West Coast for a family of four can cost more than my husband's whole paycheck for a month.
I am still putting forth my intentions for this blog and clarifying what I need with regard to an outlet for my voice. Though I knew I needed to take the first step. So, as I process, grow and become myself again (hoping, with an added new twist), I hope you follow my adventures!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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